Kindness Club: Breaking Addiction to Negative Thinking

 Today at Kindness Club we enjoyed a talk from Eckhart Tolle about breaking addiction to negative thinking.  Tolle tells us that our brains become trained to feel rewarded by negative thinking and that even when there is nothing "wrong" in our worlds, we still have a tendency to seek out the negative.  Great video, only 14 minutes long, and Eckhart is lovely, funny and gentle as always. 

Mindful Thought: Sharing Mingyur Rinpoche

 I was listening to a conversation in the Waking Up app yesterday with Mingyur Rinpoche

 Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche is a much-loved and accomplished Tibetan Buddhist meditation teacher. With a rare ability to present the ancient wisdom of Tibet in a fresh, engaging manner, Rinpoche's profound teachings and playful sense of humor have endeared him to students around the world. His first book, The Joy of Living: Unlocking the Secret and Science of Happiness, debuted on the New York Times bestseller list and has been translated into over twenty languages.  In early June, 2011, Mingyur Rinpoche walked out of his monastery in Bodhgaya, India and began a ‘wandering retreat’ through the Himalayas and the plains of India that lasted four and a half years. When not attending to the monasteries under his care in India and Nepal, Rinpoche spends time each year traveling and teaching worldwide.

For more information on Mingyur Rinpoche or meditation, including a free video introduction to meditation course, visit tergar.org.

His approach of awareness and mindfulness is simple and clear. He says we are all born with awareness, kindness and wisdom, we just need to recognize it. 

If thoughts and emotions are clouds then simply be the sky, always blue.

I am gonna share a google talk with him, it is about one hour and it is called The Happiest Man on earth. And there is a reason for it, this man makes me smile from ear to ear.

Mindful Thought: Why are humans narcissistic and animals not?

 

Why are humans narcissistic and animals not and what can we learn from that?

Translated from an article from Mattias Desmet, Professor of Clinical Psychology at Ghent University, he studies and analyzes the role of narcissism in our society, in and out times of crisis.

The term narcissism comes from the myth of Narcissus, a young man who fell in love with his own reflection in the water, he was enticed so deeply that he ignored everyone and everything, and staring into the water, he languished and died. The myth bears witness to sovereign psychological insight in several respects.

Narcissism captivates and thrives, now more exuberant than ever before. 

The mirror image becomes addictive and - to use a fashionable comparison - is more dangerous than any virus. Selfies claim five times more victims than sharks, and in the pursuit of an idealized body image through extreme forms of sports, bodybuilding, plastic surgery, or dieting, the body itself often succumbs.

With the classic narcissistic personality, it is mainly the people around them that suffer the most, for example through psychological and physical terror within relationships and abuse of power in the workplace. 

Through history we see signs of rampant narcissism, manifested in the merciless exploitation and death of millions.

Narcissism has been the driving force in human cruelty since earliest times. Laws and treaties can temporarily limit its threat, but an intellectual understanding of narcissism is needed to get rid of it. 

Narcissism is a psychological conundrum. Where does the human fascination for the mirror image come from? And why is it accompanied by a lack of empathy and excessive jealousy, aggression and abuse of power? And remarkable: Why is the fascination for the mirror image and also the associated phenomenon of cruelty in animals missing?

Most animals do not even recognize themselves in the mirror, they do not notice the reflection or they regard it as a congener - and in those who do, it does not trigger any noteworthy reaction (see, for example, the punctuality test on bonobos and dolphins).

Charles Darwin noted that this is remarkably different in humans: when a human child first recognizes itself in the mirror, typically at the age of six to nine months while sitting on the arm of the mother who enthusiastically points to the reflection, then this is accompanied by an intense emotional release: the child exults and crows with pleasure.  It is as if it is having an aha experience, as if it suddenly found the answer to a question.

And it is. In the first months of life a child cannot form a mental-visual image of its own body. As a result, it does not know where its body stops and where the world surrounding it begins, it situates the sensations in it's own body but also in the people and objects surrounding it. Very concretely: if it gets an injection in the arm, it does not look specifically at its arm because it has no idea that the pain sensation is in that place.

The reverse is also true: the child feels the sensations of others directly in his own body. For example, through imitation of the mother's facial expressions, it takes over her world of experience in a curiously concrete and direct way (transitivism: if the child, for example, looks at someone being hit, the same grimace appears on his face and cries as if he is being hit himself). This radical empathic experience leads to a symbiotic bond between child and mother and to deep, mutual love (see, among other things, the mutual enthusiasm each time an imitation happens).

In this symbiotic but also chaotic experiential soup - which in adulthood only occurs in the dream experience, in which I and Other also constantly overlap - the child must get a grip through interactions with the mother figure to ensure her care and closeness. The young animal must also do this, but there too we encounter a fundamental difference with humans - the ultimate difference even.

The animal secures the bond with the nurturing animal through the exchange of signs - a series of cries and postures - that are closely related to what they refer to (one cry means danger, the other that food is on the way, etc.). 

The human child, on the other hand, is dependent on a system of exchange through a language use where every sound or gesture - every symbol. - can refer to endless things. For example, the sound "sun" can refer to something completely different, sun as in sunshine and son as in male child. What the care figure tries to convey through gestures and sounds is therefore never as clear to a child as to an animal.

This explains why the young child's face shows something during interactions that you will not see in any animal: a tense attention and a sentiment of question. This uncertainty fully persists even in adulthood. In each new encounter we wonder what exactly intonations, words, a look or a smile mean. Does the Other like me? Do I mean anything to them? Do they find me attractive? Human existence gravitates around these questions. 

Due to the shifting nature of its linguistic system, the human child is in a pressing uncertainty as to how it can gain control over its caretaker. When the mother enthusiastically points to the reflection, this uncertainty suddenly disappears. There, before its eyes, sharply defined, it sees who it must be to secure its place in the mother paradise. Hence the enthusiastic aha experience and the triumphant delight.

Because of the recognition, the child has for the first time a visual overall picture of its body and can for the first time - literally - draw a line / border around its own body. In order to avoid the reappearance of the underlying insecurity, it must engage in an aggressive, rivalry battle with every other that the mother's (or later love object) attention is also focused on: only one person can be the mother's object. 

To a certain extent this is necessary to build a stable ego structure, but with excessive narcissism the mental-visual boundary between self and the other becomes so thick and pronounced that the self, literally, becomes mentally locked up in the self-image and the original, symbiotic empathy in for the other and the surrounding world disappears almost completely.

The uncertainty that human language creates in our relationships explains our reaction and importance to our self/mirror image. Appearance and self image is used as a mean to secure oneself and an attempt to find symbiosis with the other but leads to isolation and destruction of the other.  The more we identify with the mirror image, the more we must surpass, belittle and even destroy others. Empathy decreases and we lose humanity.

It is also a form of self-destruction. All energy that is in the human being is absorbed by the outer shell. In psychotherapy, people who are strongly committed to appearances often say that they feel "empty".

The second failed attempt to cure this insecurity is the over-controlling of the relationship with the other. We also find this attempt at the group level: when the group becomes anxious and insecure, it grasps more and more forcefully to a shared ideal and formulates an ever-growing set of rules that become increasingly inconsistent and absurd. And just as on an individual level, the group is inevitably heading for self-destruction. Narcissistic competition will certainly not bring a solution.

For the time being, we have to wait for a real solution that truly harmonize humans and their social relationships - and the relationship with Mother Nature. No one can give those solutions just like that, but they must undoubtedly be sought in the direction of cultivating the conversation, learning the art of good speech.

In the mean time we can remind ourselves that we are all human beings and sensitive for the illusion that our own reflection could lead us to paradise.

Mindful Thought: The inner child

The cry we hear from deep in our hearts, comes from the wounded child within. Healing this inner child’s pain is the key to transforming anger, sadness, and fear. ~Thich Nhat HanhFrom: https://www.lionsroar.com/healing-the-child-within/

Mindful Thoughts: Mantras

Mantras give the wandering mind a focal point. They produce a beat and a flow that is easy for the mind and body’s energy system to grasp a hold of. When the mind wants to wander out of the meditative state, the mantra helps bring it back. The rhythm of the mantra provides an easy channel for energy to flow in and out of. 

All mantras have intense physical benefits.

They relieve stress. The rhythm and sound of the chanting moves energy throughout the body. The movement of energy regulates the chemicals in our brains. It blocks stress hormones and releases endorphins.

The sound of the mantra literally drowns out the negative voices in our heads. When the negative thoughts are suppressed, the mind has room for positive thoughts.

It is a free and easy way to manage thoughts and achieve physical and mental welfare.

Mantras ease fear. People with phobias often adapt mantras to center on during times of fear.

Here is a link to Sadhguru's lecture about mantras.

You can also just google Mantras and start reading, to choose your own mantra is important, if you like the sounds you will listen and sing with a flow, after some time you will find yourself singing your mantra in your mind or even out loud. 

And that is much better than worrying ♥

Choose a mantra of Sound of Isha here, if you scroll down you see Isha Mantra and you can listen to find one you like

Weekend Zen with Raeven

 Sometimes we get so caught up in our external world that we begin to neglect our internal world without even realizing it. Especially in a year like 2020 with so much craziness going on globally. It's important that we take the time to be mindful and nurture our souls with peace and calm. ♥

Ho'oponopono for Self Love & Radical Forgiveness

 Ho'oponopono for Self Love & Radical Forgiveness

Today's Kindness Club video was a beautiful guided meditation based on the Hawaiian prayer, Ho'oponopono, led by Sandra Rolus.  On the YouTube page, Sandra tells us:

Ho'oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness and reconciliation. Traditionally, it was practiced by family members for a person who was physically ill as it was thought that guilt over errors the person had committed had made them sick. Modern researchers have found that the applications of Ho'oponopono can have far-reaching implications and can be used in any situation, problem, issue, relationship or concern, simply by using your intention and attention to use these 4 key mantras for healing all relationships and for manifestations of abundance and prosperity in all areas of your life.   

I am sorry.

Please forgive me.

I love you.

I thank you. 

Please join us next Sunday at 10am at the Soul Meet pavilion for another video.

Namaste,

Juju

Mindful Thoughts pt5 : Anxiety

This is certainly the age of anxiety. Many  people

have problems related to anxiety, caused by the rampant

stress in their lives. Anxiety is one of the most pervasive mind states psychiatrists encounter.

From time to time, in even the hardiest of us, feelings of fear surface. They may be about

losing someone or losing something or about feeling pain or being alone

or being sick or disabled, or about someone you love being hurt.  

We may have fears of failure or fears of success, fears of

letting other people down or about the fate of the earth. 

Most of us carry such fears within us. They are always present but they only

surface under certain circumstances.

The word fear implies that there is something specific that is causing this emotional state to arise. 

Under certain threatening circumstances, all of us experience fear, even terror. It is a

major characteristic of the fight-or-flight reaction. 

We are overwhelmed and this experience can easily lead to a state of panic, driven by desperation and

feelings of complete loss of control. To panic in a threatening situation is a dangerous and unfortunate reaction, because it is disabling just at the time that you need to react with rapidity and clarity.

Some people handle feelings of fear much better than others do. Commonly, we cope with our fears 

by ignoring such feelings when they surface or denying them altogether, or concealing them from other people. 

Many people find it difficult, if not impossible, to deny or ignore or conceal their anxiety. Without effective means for dealing with it, their anxiety can have significant effects on their ability

to function. And of course, it causes people to pursue many of the maladaptive coping avenues.

When we speak of "anxiety," we are talking about a similar 

strongly reactive emotional state but without a clearly identifiable cause or threat. 

Anxiety is a generalized state of insecurity and agitation that can be triggered by almost anything. Sometimes

it seems as if there is nothing triggering it at all. 

You can feel anxious and not really know why. 

It is possible to wake up feeling shaky, tense, and frightened. If you are plagued by anxious feelings, your anxiety

may frequently seem out of proportion to the actual pressures you are under. You may have a hard time putting your finger on the root cause of your feelings. You may find yourself worrying all the time, even when there is nothing the matter or there is no major threat.

If this state of mind becomes a chronic condition, it is

referred to as generalized anxiety. Its symptoms may include trembling,

shakiness, muscle tension, restlessness, fatigue,

shortness of breath, rapid heartbeat, sweating, dry mouth, dizziness

or light-headedness, nausea, the feeling of a "lump in the

throat," feeling keyed up, being easily startled, difficulty concentrating,

trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, and easy irritated.

In addition to generalized anxiety, some people suffer from what are called anxiety attacks, or panic attacks. These are episodes in which a person experiences a period of intense fear and discomfort for no apparent reason. Often people who suffer from panic attacks have no idea why they get them or when one will happen. 

The first time it happens, you can think you are having a heart attack since it is frequently accompanied by acute physical

symptoms including chest pains, dizziness, shortness of breath, and profuse sweating. 

There may be feelings of unreality and you may also think that you are dying or that you are going crazy or that you

may lose control of yourself. 

Unfortunately, many people with panic attacks continue to visit emergency rooms and wind up being told that "there is nothing

wrong" and being sent home with no assistance or with a prescription for tranquilizers. If you are cared for by a doctor who can

recognize these symptoms as a panic attack, you may be on the road

to getting the right kind of help in bringing them under control.

While it can be reassuring to know what a panic attack is and that you are not going to die from it or go crazy, what is most

important is that you know that you can work with these mind-body storms by changing the way you see and pay attention to the very processes of thought and reactivity within your own mind.

As you might imagine, the application of mindfulness to chronic anxiety involves allowing the anxiety itself to become the object of our attention. We intentionally observe the fear and anxiety when they come up, just as we do with pain. When you

move in close to your fears and observe them as they surface in the form of thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, you will start to recognize them for what they are and know how to respond to them appropriately. 

Then you will be less prone to become overwhelmed or swept away by them or to have to

compensate in self-destructive or self-inhibiting ways.

Mindfulness changes the structure and function of your brain, these

changes can be tracked and measured. It rewires your brain how to respond to stress and be more focused.

You learn to recognize and stop “mental time travel” — worrying about 

the future and ruminating about the past.

Instead of following a worrying thought down the path of all possible 

negative outcomes, you learn to recognize it for what it is

 — one thought — and then let it go.

This trains your brain to be less anxious.

Mindfulness meditation changes the balance of chemicals in your brain,

It increases the levels of GABA (gamma-amino-butyric-acid)

a neuro transmitter essential for feeling happy and relaxed

Mindfulness also elevates mood by increasing levels of serotonin

another neurotransmitter vital to happiness

At the same time mindfulness meditation reduces

the stress hormone cortisol which significantly contributes to 

anxiety, depression, sleep disorders and memory loss

The amygdala, the area of the brain associated with fear, anxiety

and stress decreases and becomes less reactive

as it improves neural connections between various areas of the brain

Meditation doesn't have to take a lot of time

As little as 10 min a day is a reasonable goal

Even two minutes per day because it will help form a habit you'll stick with

When we talked about Emotions I told you when the arousal within us is very high we can have problems identifying 

what the exact emotion is that we are feeling. When you go into a roller-coaster you have the same bodily sensations

as the ones we feel in a panic attack, yet at that moment we do not perceive it as something negative but even exciting and do not have the accompanying worrying thoughts. Where the same sensations during a panic attack induce so much panic. 

Important: For anxious people meditating can make the anxiety worse because of the breathing practice.

Mindful meditation is not about regulating your breathing or fighting thoughts or feelings, bring your attention to the sounds

and use those to bring yourself in the moment. Just as thoughts and sounds, the sensations of an anxiety attack are a cycle of coming and going.  An attack usually takes 5 to 20 minutes. Observing the impermanence of the anxiety experience can strongly reduce the power. Fool your brain into safety thinking by chewing a gum as soon as you feel the first sensations.

When we chew our brain thinks we are eating and therefor safe and will stop firing off chemicals for the fight/flight response.

Eating more healthy, exercise like walking or running help and enough sleep will help you long term. IF you have anxiety attacks

that disable you from functioning make sure to seek help.

Mindful Thoughts pt4 Pain

 

Today Body pt 4 : how can Mindfulness help with pain.

Hundreds of millions of people all over the world are impacted by pain. Physical pain, chronic pain, mental pain... Living with pain is not only a physical strain it is also an emotional strain as well. Feelings of frustration, anger, depression or even despair can deeply impact the quality of our lives.

The use of highly addictive opioids to treat pain have caused a silent epidemic, every year 300 million pain prescriptions are given out by doctors worldwide, which equals a $24 billion market, 80%of those subscriptions is consumed in the United States, 15% in Canada and Europe, and the rest of the world gets the other 5%. Unfortunately, 40 to 70% of people with chronic pain aren't actually receiving the proper medical treatment for their pain.  The over use of opioid is staggering. Worldwide 187000 people die from opioid overdose every year and that number grows every year by 6%.

Not too long ago, we thought that the brain we’re born with is static—that after a certain age, no change is possible. Fast-forward a decade or two, and we’re beginning to see the opposite: the brain is designed to adapt constantly. Neuro-scientists now know three things: 1) you can train your brain to change, 2) that the change is measurable, and 3) new ways of thinking can change it for the better.

It’s hard to comprehend how this is possible. Practicing mindfulness is nothing like taking a pill, or a quick fix, but just as we learn to play the piano through practice, the same goes for cultivating well-being and happiness. The brain keeps changing over its entire lifespan. And that’s very good news:We can intentionally shape our brain in ways that are beneficial by focusing on wholesome thoughts, for example This leads us to the conclusion that qualities like being kind and being happy should best be regarded as skills.Research on neuro-plasticity and meditation research concludes that even short amounts of practice, like 30 minutes per day, shows measurable changes in the brain on a brain scanner.

A big spoon of scientific information for those of you who like to know more of all the research, a good source with many useful links on this matter: 

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3580050/

Pain is a complex experience. The way you experience pain and the intensity is affected by many different factors 

your emotional state (“I am angry that I am feeling this way”), beliefs about pain (“This pain means there’s something seriously wrong with me”), expectations (“These painkillers aren’t going to work”) and environment (“I don’t have anyone to talk to about how I feel”).

Pain is generally recognized to be associated with three major components: 

Physical sensations

Emotional response to the sensations

Social effects of the experience

Mindfulness can help you tune into the difference between these three experiences, making it possible to reduce the suffering without reducing the severity of the pain itself. It can also help you approach your pain with less fear and more acceptance, allowing you to live life fully, even though you have pain.

Many of the studies that explore mindfulness and pain focus on the ways that mindfulness can improve quality of life and mental distress associated with pain, rather than the intensity of the sensations of pain itself.

Mindfulness improve the experience of pain by:

Decreasing the repetitive thinking and reactivity

Increasing a sense of acceptance for unpleasant sensations

Improving emotional flexibility

Reducing rumination and avoiding behaviors

Enhancing self-compassion

Increasing a sense of acceptance for the present moment

Inducing the relaxation response and decreasing stress

The idea of being mindful of pain may seem counter-intuitive. Most people want to forget about their pain— they want to escape it, run away from it, wishing they could ignore it or get rid of it somehow. The problem is—ironically—that by fighting and struggling against it, and even by trying to ignore it, you create within yourself a state of ‘resistance to what is’ and that means stress,higher sensitivity to pain and thus more pain. 

It takes a little practice but it is possible to be in a calm and content emotional state even when in physical pain.This technique is incredibly effective and works wonders in pain reduction (really impressive actually!) and definitely helps cultivate inner peace.

The ability to cope with pain improves which, in turn, improves the quality of life. It also has the wonderful side benefit of reducing much of the mental and emotional strain associated with chronic pain. And most importantly, it does this with no risks or negative side effects— being completely natural, the only side effects are positive ones.

If you suffer ongoing pain I highly recommend you give this a try. What do you have to lose?

New event Wednesdays at 3 pm SLT at the Center

Every Wednesday at 3pm SLT we will hold a Tai Chi event, will be either me or my husband, or?

It means listening to relaxing music and watch our avatars do the moves. So nothing special ♥

A new mentor at the Center: Cypressea

Excited to introduce a new mentor at the Center:

Cypressea Rollins is a devoted Yoga teacher, who has been immersed in the journey of self-exploration through Yoga for over the last 15 years. 

Expanding her scope of teaching and testing yoga's adaptability she brought yoga to Second Life in 2017 and has continued to grow. 

She is passionate in sharing her practice in a slow and inviting way to kick-start anyone's yoga journey. 

Cypressea brings joy, inspiration and ancient wisdom from different arts into one. 

Cypressea was first introduced to Yoga in her teens through Self Realization Fellowship and reading the Autobiography of a Yogi. From there Yoga became a daily part of her life. She became interested in the history of Yoga and the foundation of its philosophy. Cypressea began to learn about Hindu mythology and stories in relation to yoga. She enjoys to share the tales she learns to bring more exploration within the yoga journey.  

 Come experience yoga as a beautiful way to recenter, recharge and embrace ourselves as we are.

You can see a live version of here yoga class here on Facebook

Mindful Thought: Mindful Eating with Dr Dawn-Elise Snipes

Mindful Thoughts: Body pt2 craving

Today Mindfulness Thoughts is about tackling our craving and addiction.

We function throughout the day thanks to habits: wake up, brush teeth, make coffee. Transforming behaviors into habits saves our brains from having to make extra effort to make the same decisions over and over, and this can work to our benefit like arriving in time at work, sporting 2 times a week etc 

but we can also form habits like smoking cigarettes, stress-eating, or constantly checking our social media and that may be holding us back.

Habits can be described as automatic behavioral loops, involving triggers, behaviors, and rewards. For example, you may feel stressed (trigger), eat junk food or smoke a cigarette (behavior), and feel better (reward). When you attain (and, later, anticipate) the reward, your brain releases dopamine in a neural process that lays down a memory of that behavior and helps you “learn” to execute that behavior next time to attain the reward. 

This reward-based learning system is conserved all the way back to the most primitive of nervous systems, for example the sea slug with roughly 20,000 neurons.

In everyday life, that reward-based learning can reinforce a diverse array of inconvenient habits. We can get in the habit of ruminating, constantly checking our phone notifications, and distracting ourselves, to the point that these behaviors become addictive. With tobacco use and unhealthy eating habits as leading causes of preventable death worldwide, and the rise in accidents due to texting while driving, habits can be dangerous.

Addiction is defined as “continued use, despite adverse consequences”. Even when someone is fully aware of how harmful their habits are, they continue to act on them, when we have an uncontrolled relationship with our habits, we can experience inadvertent cravings for reward and become blind to how these habits are hurting us over time.

As we grow up we expect the world to be a certain way, we soon find out, nothing is as we expect it.

Any attempt to change the world outside us fails, most of us will find a lot of struggle in many different forms

through out our lives. To fill this void we look for alternatives, habits and addictions.

And this results only in more struggle and stress. And stress is the main reason we form habits and addictions.

The only tools to cope with our world and life is to be found in our self and here Mindfulness will help you to do

exactly that.

Mindfulness and meditating activates the prefrontal cortex and takes you of autopilot so you respond instead of react, 

helps you see your thoughts as thoughts, recognize emotions, become aware of the body.

You can learn to surf the urge of craving and it also balances acceptance and change.

It retrains our mind to recognize that we don't have to believe everything we think.

Mindfulness helps us pay careful attention to our cravings, and see what they are made up of – thoughts and body sensations. 

Importantly, with this awareness, we can notice cravings as they arise, 

see how they change from moment to moment (instead of lasting “forever” as some 

of people describe), and as a result, stay with them and ride them out instead of 

acting on them. Also, paying attention helps us see clearly what we get from our behavior in that moment.

And this is the beginning of the end – we start to get disenchanted with what we were 

doing – just by paying careful attention. This dual purpose of mindfulness – disenchantment 

and being able to be with ourselves instead of reacting automatically – may be a winning combination.

Why would it work so well? It turns out that it targets the core addictive loop in our brain formed by addiction.

By helping people ride out their cravings instead of acting on them, it decouples the link between craving and acting on it, effectively dismantling the loop. 

This is an important point, because these data pinpoint a mechanistic link that is being targeted by mindfulness, which is not always easy to find in behavioral treatments.

Tasks:

When eating, drinking or smoking, be in the moment. Start with exploring the packaging, what kind of packaging is it? Plastic? Paper? What does the label say?  What are the ingredients?

Is it healthy or not so? Does it have calories?

Open the packaging and and hold it under your nose and smell. Does it smell as you thought it would? Does it smell the same as it tastes?

Now take it out the package and hold between your fingers, what does it feel like? What kind of texture?

Take a bite and slowly chew, how does it feel between your teeth? Is it soft or hard? Sticky? Does it break easily? What is the taste on the front of your tongue? The middle of your tongue? The back of your tongue? Does it take long to chew before you can swallow it?

When you swallowed what is the after taste? How does it feel as it slides down to your stomach? How does your stomach feel? 

Is your mouth dry or wet? 

You can do this with smoking too.

Being aware of the different steps can make the experience of eating what you love suddenly completely different.

Mindful Thought Body pt1

Today we talk about Mindful Sex. We talked about relationships last week and how being in the present and aware of our 

thoughts and emotions helps to overcome the suffering they can cause. This week we transition to the body. 

 

Sex is tricky to talk about. It’s either too much information or not enough. 

And it’s probably the most subjective thing you’re likely to have an opinion on.

This lecture is by no means vulgar or meant to induce arousal 

I do not want to offend anyone, if however you feel that, please quietly leave

and accept my apologies before hand.

If you look at sex from a biological point of view we can see sex as a reproductive function, 

our continued existence as a species depends on it

The facts however undermine this assumption:

People continue to engage in sex long after they stopped having children

In fact, most sex happening around the world is not related to reproduction at all

Is physical pleasure or genital stimulation the important component in the decision to have sex?

If it’s pleasure you want, if you desire a nice orgasm, you'll get there faster—and cheaper, 

with more certainty and less risk of pregnancy and disease—through masturbation. 

So why are we craving sex with a partner? 

And why, when we do masturbate, are we fantasizing about him or her or about someone, anyway?

It turns out that the deep experience of sexual pleasure depends somehow on the presence, 

and conduct, of others. 

For us, power and meaning emerge through making connections. 

Sexual desire, is not aimed at physical pleasure alone but at connectedness with others. 

Sexual pleasure is fundamentally a social construct and is derived from the synchronized cooperation between people.

Sex becomes truly pleasurable when we form a meaningful bond with another human being.

This is why paying for sex and porn even though it gives the scratch to the itch will overtime 

leave most of us with a feeling of emptiness, lack of intimacy and distorts the perception of what sex is like. 

This feeling of connection with yourself and/or your partner is where 

mindfulness comes in. For some people mindfulness during sex comes naturally, being in the present

is a beautiful gift for the other.

For most if us it is natural for our mind to wander. Our mind wanders, anxiety eats away at the edges of our awareness and enjoyment.

We play pornographic movies in our mind, evaluate our own performance, worry about things in the past or the future, 

wondering what our butt look likes, there is ample opportunity to zone out.

Often we start to associate sex with bad experiences like premature ejaculation

or breaking condoms, or not being happy about our bodies.

Our brain is wired to look out for threats, anything negative will leave a much deeper

expression, what we talked about before negative bias

All of this can make sex more trouble than it is worth with negative consequences for our relationships

The biggest cause for sexual problems today is stress

This can come from outside sources or from within.

If you’re a zebra and a lion attacks, stress makes sense. 

When we feel threatened, our bodies secrete adrenaline and cortisol to deal with 

short-term physical crises. Evolution gave us this stress response so we 

could escape lions, and it’s great for that.

Trouble is, that same stress response kicks in when we’re faced with everyday worries,

from traffic jams to utility bills.

Cortisol is a hormone that is absolutely crucial for life. Without it we would not be able to 

survive. However, when we live in chronic strain, worry, and stress, the adrenal glands 

produce relatively high amounts of cortisol. The problem with cortisol is that our bodies 

are not meant to be exposed to these relatively high amounts for long periods of time. 

Cortisol decreases your immunity, it increases inflammation, it increases abdominal fat,

it breaks down muscle bone and connective tissue, it inhibits thyroid hormone activation

it gives erectile dysfunction,

for women with high cortisol levels it is actually physically impossible to have an orgasm

And here practicing Mindfulness comes in:

Mindfulness is about learning to focus our attention on whatever we are experiencing, 

moment to moment, with open-minded curiosity and compassion rather than judgment. 

Meditation affects the premotor cortex, he specific part of your brain that activates mirror neurons.

Mirror neurons let you feel things that you see do others, for example when you see a comedy or a sad movie, when someone falls or cut their hand.

These are your mirror neurons at work.

This is why you are aroused when you see your partner getting aroused.

They say sex happens between the ears and for a good part this is true, for fantasies and imagination, but to have a 

fulfilling sex experience we need to feel it with our body.

Mindfulness helps you pull away from the mind and experience sex completely with your body and senses.

How do you practice mindfulness during sex?

First minimize distractions. Turn off the television. Silence your phone. Put Fido or Fluffy in the other room.

Be aware, when your mind wanders bring it back to your breathing and the sensations in your body. 

Breathe down to the abdomen to give energy to the sexual regions of your body. Sync the rhythm of your breathing with your

partner.

Let go of expectations. There is no pressure to be perfect, to perform, or to orgasm. 

You and your lover, your bodies, and your time together are to be enjoyed. Period.

Focus your attention on your sensual awareness. Use your senses to stay aware, taste, smell, touch, sounds. Explore your partner's

body mindfully: the curvature of the body, the softness, the slipperiness... immerse yourself in the sensations.

Let go of the need to control. Trust in yourself, your lover and the process. Unplug from shame. Your body and your life are gifts to express your divine union with your lover

Together with your partner, explore each other and connect at a different, deeper dimension.

A little bit of oom can lead to a lot of ahh :D

The Kindness Club: Introduction and Sund 8/2

The Kindness Club with Juju!

The Kindness Club is a weekly video series on Sundays at 10am SLT.  We may add more days and times in the future so please keep a look-out.  The videos will feature various topics related to mindfulness and becoming the best version of ourselves - there will be talks, lessons, and guided meditations from a variety of sources.  A notecard will go out with the group notice prior to each event with instructions on how to watch the video when you arrive at the Center.  (Please note, you must be a member of the Center for Mindfulness group in order to participate.)

Your suggestions for videos we can all enjoy together are very welcome!  Please send an NC or IM to my legacy name, Moldylocks with the YouTube link.  At the moment, YouTube is the only format that's supported.

Namaste,

Juju Ijinn