Mindful Thoughts Gratitude pt3

Practicing gratitude can be a game-changer: it has far reaching effects, from improving our mental health to boosting our relationships with others. And that is what I want to bring to your attention today: gratitude towards others, lovers, partners, family and friends. 

Living your life with gratitude helps you notice the little wins — like the bus showing up right on time, a stranger holding the door for you, or the sun shining through your window when you wake up in the morning. Each of these small moments string together to create a web of well-being that, over time, strengthens our ability to notice the good.

Hydonic Adaptation (fancy term for getting used to something) and negativity bias undermine our lives but also our long term relationships, we take each other for granted, we get bored, complacency.  We focus on the negative events in our lives and relationships.

Gratitude is the antidote.

Moments of gratitude help us recognize the value in our partners and friends—and a valuable partner is worth holding onto. In a number of studies researchers found this to be true, when we feel more appreciative than usual of our partners, they also report more feelings of commitment.

Gratitude has long-term consequences: The more grateful we are, the more committed we are over time. Feelings of gratitude are tied to the motivation to maintain a relationship.

Being motivated to stay in a relationship is only part of the story. We also need to act on that motivation. And gratitude is valuable here as well: experiencing gratitude also promotes behaviors that help us hold onto our relationships.

We are more thoughtful and responsive to others’ needs on days when we feel grateful for them.

We are more caring and attentive listeners during discussions—a key for promoting intimacy in relationships.  Gratitude helps us gain and maintain that intimacy. 

When we work to maintain the relationship our partner feels appreciated and 

this is where the good stuff happens. Recognizing you have a valuable partner and acting accordingly can help your partner feel more valued. 

We  signal those feelings through more caring and attentive behavior—for instance, by asking clarifying questions of our partner when he or she is discussing a problem. This has profound effects.

Now to complete the circle, an appreciated partner is a grateful partner

On days when they feel more appreciated by us, they experience increases in their own feelings of gratitude. And this makes sense: What partner is more valuable than one who clearly values you?

And this is where the benefits of gratitude really take off. So now, both partners are focused on maintaining the relationship. In this way, that first moment of gratitude can spark an ongoing cycle of gratitude and generosity ♥

One to watch: Saying "Thank You" Improves Relationships

Mindful Thoughts Gratitude

“Let us be grateful to the people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.”

Marcel Proust

Gratitude sharpens our attention for the good and the positive in our lives, which helps us appreciate things that we tend to take for granted. 

We express gratitude by saying “thank you” to someone who has helped us or given us a gift. 

From a scientific perspective gratitude is not just an action: it is also a positive emotion that serves a biological purpose. We acknowledge the care of others. 

Scientists can actually measure the effect that gratitude is more than feeling thankful: it is a deeper appreciation for someone (or something) that produces a longer lasting positivity.  It increases the level of happiness and improves our well being. In other words it is good for us to be grateful.

Think of someone with whom you have shared happy moments or someone who has supported you and been there for you. Send them this Thank You card, you can change the name of the texture to make it personal and you can send it to as many people as you want. You can even save it to your harddisk and send to people in your rl.

Thank you for reading this! Thank you for being you!

Mindful thoughts: Negativity Bias

Today as like a little chunk of scientific information, I want to avoid that as much as possible, on the other hand it is important to know how thoughts arise because once you know those facts it takes away a lot of their power 😀

Imagine this:

You buy a new blouse, walk around feeling all lit and getting many many compliments. Then someone makes a snarky comment and poof all good comments are gone and you no longer feel proud of your blouse... there is a big chance you never wear it again. 

Or 

You need a medical procedure and the doctor tells you 70% success rate, good right?

What if he told you: 30% chance of things going wrong? Try to get that one out of your head ! :P

It is almost impossible to turn your head when you become aware of the negative outcomes.

So why do we have this negativity bias? 

It is wired in our brain for survival! Not so long ago we needed this to stay alive!

Let's take a look where this is coming from:

We have the base of your brain, the cerebellum, Let's refer to it as the "lizard brain." You might be wondering, "What do I have in common with a lizard?" Well, all the basic functions to stay alive: Reflexive behaviors, muscle control, balance, breathing, heartbeat, feeding/digestion, and reproduction.

Our mamalian brain  (the limbic brain: amygdala and hypothalamus ) maps out safety and danger, it stores where and when to activate the lizard brain for fight, flight and freeze response. It has no concept of time or logic. This explains why your dog (a mammal) may greet you as though you've been gone for 30 years, instead of 30 minutes. 

Past, present and future are all one. Here trauma is stored and it explains why traumatized people relive the past as if it happens today.

Next to that we have the newer part of our brain: the frontal cortex 

here more complex functions are implicated: cognitive behavior, personality expression, social behavior, certain aspects of speech and language, internal goals, creativity

and imagination. 

Here the orchestration of thoughts happens!

Now if it would only be influenced by that part of the brain our thoughts would make sense and be logically mostly, sadly in the untrained mind the little maniac in our head 

is mostly driven by the  lizard and mamalian brain.  It uses the tools of fear and anger and then applies to that the wonderful skill of our newest part of the brain: imagination, the possibility to ruminate on the past and worry about the future. Your mind loves to exaggerate, give you many different versions of what could go wrong and prefers to let you imagine the worst case scenario. 

This is why when you are having a bad day or feeling down it is always associated with thoughts.

Remember the exercise we did yesterday?

It shows how easily our mind drags us through all kinds of different emotions and feelings just by thinking. 

Should you stop thinking then? 

How wonderful it would be if we just could do that, be a zebra and graze on the savanna. 

We get from 15000 to 70000 thoughts a day and there is no way to stop this.

But what we can do is not let those thoughts affect us. 

Become aware of your thinking, of your negative thinking. 

Just see them as thoughts, observe them unravel and then being replaced by yet another thought... 

The 'untrained' mind is what the Buddhists call the monkey mind as it jumps from one tree to another. Becoming aware of our thought patterns and

recognizing them is how we 'train' our mind, and we will practice this together! 

Tomorrow more on this ♥

Start new workshop of 9 weeks Mindfulness tonight at 4 pm SLT

We start tonight with the introduction to Mindfulness... book available ♥