Mindful Thought: Turbulent times, covid19, a heart less heavy

 

As days of isolation and social distancing turn into weeks into months, many of us are feeling increasingly uprooted from our normal lives. In a world on lockdown, it isn’t just our routines that are being disrupted, but our relationships too. I think it is safe to say the state of the world causes many of us fear and anxiety as we move through a time of upheaval and uncertainty. It is easy to become consumed with the problems of the world or otherwise shut down and hide away.

So the question becomes: Is it possible to face and hold what is happening around us without getting swept away by fear or anger?

I believe it is possible... but in order to stay open and informed about our world we also need to create space and find grounding

As the mind wanders into thoughts or if anxiety surfaces, we can just entangle from the habits of thinking or worrying, by returning to the present moment. This is the practice of mindfulness, remembering where we are, right here, right now not getting lost in an unknown future, trying to fix things or get swept away by a story.This isn't really helpful and simply enhances our fear and anxiety.

We can train ourselves to come back to the present moment.

Over and over again.

If thoughts or worry or anxiety continues to surface it might be a sign that we need to tend to our emotions. If mentioning the word anxiety creates a tightness in your chest or a flutter in your stomach, let's feel into the sensations that arrive, see if we can allow those feelings to surface without getting into a story of them, bring a sense of curiosity to whatever is arising, just observing without getting caught up in the actual content.

Is it possible to gently ride the wave?

In doing this our reactivity doesn't get a hold and we stay present to what surfaces with a calm compassionate heart

And this is where the practice can support us, this grounding place, where we can allow our emotions to arise and allow to float through us with kind compassionate attention. This doesn't mean it is easy to hold fear and anxiety but meditation offers us an anchor, to ground ourselves in the midst of the chaos of life.

With that stability we gain a more spacious perspective that allows us to more skillfully cope with turbulent times. If we can settle our mind, we can find wisdom ad courage and action can be taken. We can change how we relate to uncertainty, recognizing that it's often our own stories and projections that heighten our unfounded fears. And as our mindfulness practice grows so does our ability to hold that which feels unholdable

We are better able to find some calm within the chaos and move through the uncertainties of life. Remember your practice is always here to turn to for refuge, no matter how difficult it may seem at times.

It is within you to calm and ground yourself so your mind is more settled, your heart less heavy

As Nayyirah Waheed said:

If the ocean can calm itself so can you, we are both salt water mixed with air

https://www.cdc.gov/coronavirus/2019-ncov/daily-life-coping/managing-stress-anxiety.html

(based on the work of Tamara Levitt, author for Calm) 

Mindful Thought: Screen Addiction

 Have you ever noticed how easy it is to lose precious time – minutes become hours – checking, liking, heart-ing, commenting, reading the next suggested article or watching just one more show? Whatever your digital kryptonite — online shopping, social media, video games, Netflix — it's so easy to get hooked.  

Without even thinking about it we spend hours in front of screens each day. Meanwhile, it can be hard to give ourselves 10 minutes to sit and meditate, curl up with a book, or be present with the person sitting across from us. There’s nothing inherently wrong with using social media or watching screens; the trouble is when these habits start taking more from us than they're giving.

Social media and screen addiction isn’t something to be ashamed or embarrassed about, but rather something that we can cultivate awareness around so that we can make choices that nourish and empower us rather than deplete, distract and demoralize us. 

The truth is that billions of dollars are being spent by ingenious people to feed this still new but growing addiction. Companies are using everything they know about how the brain works to keep us coming back for more. This can have an unsettling impact on our day-to-day lives. The good news is that we can build our awareness and understanding in order to shift our relationship with social media and screens and claim back a big chunk of time that we unwittingly give away each day. 

Social and news channels are designed to hook you and, as a result, leave us feeling hyper-stimulated and overwhelmed. Better containing the time you spend on these channels and practice finding a balance of staying informed and nourishing yourself with offline time.  

In the latest Calm Masterclass, Dr. Adam Alter, psychologist, academic and author of The New York Times bestseller, Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology, discusses Social Media & Screen Addiction – and how to beat it:

Find his bestseller book here. The Dark Side of Screen Time with Adam Alter, PhD

Mindful Checklist

 I made this Mindful Checklist for the Center members, you can pick it up at the Soul Meet (it sits against the coffee counter in the back)  I added the texture full permissions so you can download it to your HD and print it out as a reminder for rl too.

- We start our day with being grateful, being grateful is the right state of our mind to begin a new day full of new opportunities. 

- Smile at yourself in the mirror, say you loud I love ME! Self-Love is the start of being a well balanced human being, many of us are constantly very critical on our self. Being more accepting and none judgmental is the start of a healthy relationship with ourself.

- Be kind to someone! Try to say a few nice words to someone or help someone. Even though you do this not for yourself, it will influence your mood and appreciation for yourself. 

- Have a positive thought about yourself. Doing this releases the feel good hormones like serotonin!

- Stay in the moment! When you find yourself lost in thoughts, ruminating about the past or worrying about the future, gently and lovingly bring yourself to the now. Appreciate the things that are now and focus on what and who is around you.

- Meditate! Find a few minutes every day to sit quiet and meditate, settling and finding some inner peace, as much as 2 minutes is helping and can create the habit of doing it every day. Close your eyes and bring your awareness to the breathe ♥

Mindful Thought: Conflict, COVID and Compassion

 Tonight I want to share with you a video Raeven shared with me last night: Conflict, COVID and Compassion

His Holiness the Dalai Lama engages in a dialogue on Conflict, COVID and Compassion with Nancy Lindborg, CEO of the United States Institute of Peace (USIP), and their Generation Change Fellows by video link from his residence in Dharamsala, India on August 12, 2020. For the past several years, USIP has been bringing young leaders from conflict-affected regions to Dharamsala, India to talk with His Holiness about how compassion and resilience are foundational to lasting peace.

Now because of covid it was a video conference.

I am a big fan of the Dalai Lama but this conversation was very inspiring. He talked about his commitment to our world.

Children allover the world get educated in schools about a huge array of things, mathematics, science, geology, language, literature and much more. All very useful things for our outer world. 

We learned sports, health and hygiene, how to make our bodies look good on the outside but nowhere do we learn about mental hygiene. 

Yet, handling thoughts and emotions, turning inwards to train our minds is not found in any school. And that is the only way to find inner peace. And when we ourselves find our inner peace, then our family can find inner peace, then our community can find inner peace and this would be the only way the world could come to genuine peace. 

Thinking about it, it makes so much sense and a sense of hopelessness arises because our societies are driven by economic growth, greed and lust for power. Where to start to change this? Yes, schools can start today to teach the children and in one generation we could have a world driven by kindness instead of financial gain.

For now let's start with ourselves. Practice Mindfulness and meditation, train our minds to handle our thoughts and emotions, to get rid of anger and fear and be kind and have compassion for others. And that is our first step to contribute to a better world ♥

Mindful Thought: Fulfilling expectations

Live Your Life for You, Not to Please Expectations

Do you sometimes feel like you don’t love your life? Like, deep inside, something is missing?Often this is because we allowed other people to influence our choices—we are trying to please their expectations. For example, you become a teacher because your father is, or a nurse because you want to do good in society. You volunteer to help the homeless, or to babysit your friend's children, not because it is what you love to do, but because you think it is the right thing to do and it is expected from you.

Social pressure is deceiving—we all become prey without noticing it. 

Pleasing others is like chasing a moving target. People will have multiple hopes for you. Social pressure fluctuates—others’ expectations will continually change.By trying to please everyone, we end up pleasing no one—ourselves included. Expectations are an illusion. That’s why most people don’t live the life they want. They feel frustrated and disappointed.

Many people bear resentment when the outcome of an event is less than they imagined it would be, even if their expectation was based on unreasonable assumptions.Frustration is the gap between what people expect from you and who you are.

To bridge that void, you must reframe your relationship with people’s expectations. Expectations create a social contract—it’s an implicit agreement between others and you. If you don’t push back, people will assume you are okay with it.

Speak up. Or people will continue invading you. If you don’t resist, not only do you legitimize the agreement, it becomes a social practice. Soon, you’ll start doing the same to others—when you let other people define your life, you want to prescribe theirs too.

Not expecting things from others is the first step to preventing people from dictating how you live. Life is a two-way street—when you realize that no one owes you anything, you stop expecting people to owe you anything either.No one knows yourself better than you do. No one but yourself can choose how you live.

1. Be kind to yourself

The first step to get rid of expectations is to treat yourself kindly. To take care of others, you have to put on your oxygen mask first—you can’t truly love other people if you don’t love yourself first. Accepting ourselves fully (flaws included) is the foundation for a long-term friendship. When we accept who we are, there’s no room for other’s expectations.Compassionate acts towards ourselves release the "feel-good" hormones. Increased levels of oxytocin make us feel comforted, calm, and connected.

2. Adjust the way you think.

You cannot control what others think about you, but you can choose how you talk to yourself. Your inner-talk can help or harm you. Learn to choose your words wisely. Your expectations can put you in a box—you are the only one who can set yourself free. Pay attention to your inner-dialogue—are you being kind to yourself or adding more pressure? Does your conversation focus on who you are and what you want to be? Or is it full of expectations of who you should be? 

3. Speak up.

People need limits—some because they are acting without noticing, others because they tend to impose their desires. Speak up. Don’t let them dictate who you are and what you should do. People will assume the social contract is active unless you explicitly break it. Learn to draw a line. You don’t need to be harsh, though. Just let others know when they are out of bounds—not everyone realizes when they are trying to define how you live.

4. Free yourself and free others.

When you remove your own preconceptions and expectations, you can do the same for others. Living the life you love is liberating—you don’t feel the pressure to please others. Similarly, you won’t need to impose your will on others either. When you take ownership of your life, other people feel empowered to follow suit. Expectations are an illusion—they add useless pressure to everyone. 

5. Stop judging, stop expecting.

Expectations derive from being judgmental—when someone can't accept how you behave, they expect you to change. Judgment adds frustration and negativity—perfectionists are never happy. When you let go of expectations, you create space to enjoy the here and now. Your life is not what should happen, but what is actually happening now. Learning to accept reality is hard, but it’s a significant step towards finding calm and peace. Removing expectations doesn’t mean lowering your bar, but rather letting go of the unnecessary pressure. Only when we are relaxed can we give our best.

Any moment is a turning point if you decide to make the most of it. You are in charge. Love your life. Accept the worst and hope for the best.

Weekend Zen: Guided Mindfulness Meditation on Controlling Negative Thoughts

 “We all have times throughout each day that our minds are invaded with negativity. Whether these thoughts are very up-front or buried deep in our subconscious... This guided mindfulness meditation session will seek to control those intrusive thoughts and bring about a clear, balanced, and positive outlook.” -MindfulPeace YouTube Channel

Kindness Club: Breaking Addiction to Negative Thinking

 Today at Kindness Club we enjoyed a talk from Eckhart Tolle about breaking addiction to negative thinking.  Tolle tells us that our brains become trained to feel rewarded by negative thinking and that even when there is nothing "wrong" in our worlds, we still have a tendency to seek out the negative.  Great video, only 14 minutes long, and Eckhart is lovely, funny and gentle as always.