Welcome to day 5 of Seven Days of Self-Esteem!
Today we will expand on the topic we talked about yesterday self-acceptance. One of the key aspects of self acceptance is self compassion.
Our society is deeply in love with success, we fail to notice the scale of the challenges we routinely set ourselves.
Just think about what human beings are in their natural state,
just as animals we were part of a tribe and we took care of each other, protected each other, foraging, hunting and stress was confined to moments of danger.
We were successful as a group, we benefited from working together.
Today it is individuals that are successful and it always is at cost of other human beings, animals or nature as a whole.
There is nothing remotely normal about what we are trying to achieve.
There is nothing remotely normal about what we are trying to achieve.
Most of us are not properly equipped by our histories. We need to consider the course of our lives as a whole. There were things which happened to us at the hands of others which can help to explain our current failures. We were not responsible for everything. We are in part victims of things beyond our control. We are not in complete command of who we are, therefore not be held to account for everything.
Failure is not unique, in fact there is always a high possibility of failure. Failure is rarely spoken about. It is taboo on tv, magazines and media (unless it is some major juicy blow-up)
but statistically, what has happened to us was always going to be more likely. People who are even more talented than us failed or did not succeed.
It is not just you, it was the mountain to climb.
Our society doesn't allow the indulgence of believing in luck. We have to take responsibility for everything. The common opinion is winners make their own luck. They don’t. Luck is a genuine feature of existence. We are robbing ourselves of an honest consolation by believing that we are entirely in control – and therefore entirely to blame when we crash. We are not losers in a game that is fair.
Your essential lovability does not have to be at stake. You are not only your achievements. Status and material success is one bit of you, but there are lots of other parts too.
You are kind, interesting, witty, sensitive, bold, imaginative… Modern society has over-emphasised certain conditions for love, pegging them too neatly to a narrow range of victories. You should be allowed to exist and tolerate yourself without these badges.
You are exhausted, and panicked. You can’t see how you could move on from this. That’s not the truth, it’s merely how it feels when self-criticism has destroyed every bit of confidence. You need time without pressure. You need to sleep and nurture yourself. We have grown too good at giving the case to the prosecution. Shut out the voice of Duty and Anger.
Self-compassion is different from saying you are innocent. It’s trying to be pretty gentle and understanding about why you failed. You made a mistake, but you deserve to exist with dignity and to be understood and forgiven. It’s a fundamental right for us all.
In a nutshell self-compassion involves being kind and loving to ourself.
There are 3 components to self-compassion:
The first one is kindness.
So rather than be harshly critical we treat ourselves the way we would treat good friend, with encouragement, love and patience.
The second component of self compassion is common humanity.
Rather than focusing on how we are different from others, self-compassion can help us view our similarities.
We recognize that inadequacies, imperfections and challenges are all part of our shared human experience,
not something that just happens to us alone. Billions of us struggle with the exact same things.
It lessens our self judgment and connects us to others.
The third aspect of self compassion is mindfulness.
It offers us a balanced perspective, and allows us to observe our experiences with openness and clarity.
It helps us face and accept life without judgment and reactivity.
Combined these 3 aspects of self-compassion provide a refuge from our critical mind
and enhance our overall acceptance of life.
When we practice self compassion, we offer our self better care
it inspires us to make nurturing choices and attract loving respectful relationships.
Instead of berating ourselves for our mistakes, we offer our self forgiveness rather than focusing on our flaws.
We let go of the need to be perfect.
With compassion we are worthy just the way we are.
As a way to bring the practice of compassion into your life,
Be mindful of your inner language, whenever possible re-frame your self talk so it is kind, loving and compassionate.
Give yourself a break, turn back to nature, shower yourself with the little things in life that feel good, the sun on your face, bare feet in the grass, a warm bath.
Focus on what is positive about yourself and in your life, don't linger on the past or worry about the future.
Forgive yourself easily and learn from your mistakes
and remind yourself:
Self-acceptance is where happiness lies! ♥
https://hbr.org/2018/09/give-yourself-a-break-the-power-of-self-compassion
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